


Mirrors Ch.5 - Already Gone

by imnotevil13



Series: Mirrors [6]
Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Air Force, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Songfic, Vineyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 07:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2613407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotevil13/pseuds/imnotevil13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know that I love you so<br/>I love you enough to let you go<br/>[Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors Ch.5 - Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Translated to 中文 by [UshioK](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ushioK) on [here](http://blog.udn.com/STtoME/20894591).

So instead of Mark, he dialed James’ number.

His shaking hand kept holding on to his mobile until the fourth ring he could heard from there. James picking him up. 

**

Far across from Richard’s place, James standing beside his window, watching as the thunder-storm down and the wind blowing hard side by side with the rain. It’s not very often he didn’t do anything in Sunday evening. Sometimes he just spent most of his time on a local bar just like what he had done with Clarkson, or just sitting in front of his laptop continuing his novel when there’s no friend from field he could contact. 

Though his mind wandering around, he trying so hard to not open up again the exact memories he had just two days ago, when he said those words to his best mate, Richard Hammond. James’ shocked his head and sighed. 

That was when his phone buzzing behind him. 

James walked moving passed his sofa and grabbed his mobile. Glared a suspicious glare at the ID which pop up from his screen. 

Richard Hammond. 

He stopped his finger to press that device’s button, considered he would accept it or not. The memory of Richard stood still in front of him saying that words repeated again in his mind, made him decide to rejected it and went to the kitchen to made a pie or something. But on the other hand, deep inside his heart, a place where he still kept warm his feeling for this man, told him to take it because of something he could felt didn’t seem quiet right. 

“May.” 

_“James? Oh, thanks God. It’s Richard, are you at home?”_

“Erm..., yes?” He glance at the clock and moved to window. Six thirty in the evening, hard rain. “What’s wrong Hammond?” 

_“Uh, can I go to your place? I –“_ a thunder crash. _“I can’t home right now.”_

James frowned when he heard the sound behind Richard’s voice, it seems like he was outside in the middle of the rain. “Where are you?” 

_“I’m home, but I can’t get inside. Left keys behind.”_

“What!? But how?” 

_“Long story, please James, can I go to your place?”_

“Yes, yeah, of course. Need to picking you?” 

_“No, thanks, I’m on my motor, I’ll come later. Thanks James.”_

“Any time.” After he closed his phone, James walked into the kitchen to boiling some water and made some hot cocoa wich he sure as much Richard would loved that like the old days. 

But minutes had passed. James glance at his watch and found it’s almost an hour after Richard called him. A frowned could be seen on his forehead as he thought about how long Richard’s ride from his house. 

Then later on, just between the thunder crashing, he could heard someone knocking on his door. He shout coming and half run to the front door. Opening that white slice of lumber only to found his mate stood shivering from the rain. 

He grinning with his puppy eyes whispering, “Hi James,” from his trembling lips. 

“God, Hammond, come in.” He closed the door and walked pass Richard, “Take off your jacket and shoes, wait here,” then half running again towards the bathroom and came back later with a white, soft, fluffy and big warm towel. 

Big enough to wrapped Richard’s torso and made him warm. 

“Come on Hammond, I’ve made you something,” said James. He grabbed his mate’s shoulder and drove him into the kitchen, placed him on a chair and served with a hot cocoa. 

“Thanks mate,” he said as he placed both of his hands on that mug, warming it. 

“Next time if something like this happens again, just stop for shelter and I will pick you up.” 

“But I don’t want to trouble you.” 

James sighed, he leant on a cupboard folded his arms watching his mate, “But at least I wouldn’t saw you shivering in cold like this.” They stared at each other for a moment then looked away when James moved slighty forward. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Grab some clothes, you need to changes or you’ll get cold.” He walked out the kitchen in silent but smiled when he caught Richard whispering another thank you. 

A complete numb mind James felt when he walked upstairs. It’s not because his mind too complicated to processed what the hell had happened. He just choose to didn’t felt anything. Though there’s a lot of question he need to asked, he just kept shut his mouth and acted like nothing had ever happened before. 

And he knew it would kill his heart, he knew it’s not safe for his own good. But at least he knew this was better for their relationship – no, their _friendship_. 

Some minutes passed after James leaved Richard alone in his kitchen. Still shivering but not bad as before. The towel felt so good above his skin, making contact with his coldness, smell of James’ house and somehow it’s made him comfortable. 

The only thing that made him a little bit uncomfortable was James’ attitude. Still accepting and treating him like usual though what was he had done to him two days ago. Like that was never happened before. 

Richard placed his mug on a table along with his hands and head. Burying his face on arms, sighing. James was so kind, _always_ so kind to him. Though they’re not a childhood friend and had been separated just after knowing at each other for a few years, James always treat him like an old friend or a brother. That’s one of the part of James May that Richard liked. And he felt guilty for hurting him. 

A light footstep could be heard a moment after. When Richard lifted up his head, he saw James watched him in concern. 

“What?” 

“You okay? Headache?” 

“No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” He smiled but then sighing when James kept his suspicious eyes, “James, really, I’m fine. Just, tired maybe.” 

“Then get changes and rest,” he placed his clothes in front of Richard, “Just hope it could fit on you.” 

A giggle escaped from Richard’s lips as he stood up and grabbed those clothes on his chest, grinning he said, “You know what, James? Yours will always fit with mine,” then walked away. 

James blinked then scoffed, _‘Funny enough,’_ he thought. 

**

Richard came out not long after, fresh and warm, with James’ T-Shirt and jeans which a little too big for him, approaching James who did the dishes. He stood in the door frame waiting James for aware his appearance and smiled when the taller man turned over then raised his eyebrow. 

“Not as fit as you thought, huh?” 

“Well, just a little, but it is comfortable for me.” 

“Glad you like that.” James moved from one place to another, “Dinner’s ready in minute, just please wait, watch telly or something then I will call you.” 

“Still refuse me to help, then?” 

A paused, “No,” he glance at Richard and smirked, “Just can’t help but remembering you ruined my kitchen every time you came here.” 

“Oh, apparently you grudge me, huh?” 

“Well, you can ruined my life but not my house,” he answered with a light laugh. 

What James had said stabbing exactly at his heart. He’s just kidding, Richard knew that, he always said that in the past when Jeremy or him messing around James’ house. But for now, after what was happened back then, James’ words felt a little bit different for him. 

Obviously, James was realized that too because he turned around watching his mate with his shocked yet apologetic face. “Hammond, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – I, that’s not what I mean. Well, you know, I –“

“I know James, it’s okay. I, erm..., I will wait you in living room then.” 

A pregnant pause hung up in the air as these two watching at each other. James finally answered him with a single nod and turned his back to his colleague continuing his job. Not even missing Richard’s movement when this brown eyes man whispering sorry and bit his lips in guilty. 

**

They had the dinner like usual, facing each other across the table and shared some life story. Some came from Richard’s vineyard but most of all was about James’ daily life as an army, Richard insist it. 

But it didn’t mean that they just eat dinner and pretending nothing had happen. It was James the first who took the step to clear off the mess. Instead of calling him from the kitchen, he walked to Richard approaching him with a warm smiled saying, “Dinner’s ready, come on Hammond, I’ve made your favorite supper,” and didn’t left until Richard stood up to walked following him. 

Richard still kept his silent from when James served him until he sat just across the table, he even barely touched his meal that time. Still feeling uneasy, Richard just sat at there lowering his head and took a little bite of James’ cooking. It was until the older bloke called his name made both of them starring in the eyes. 

“Why? You don’t like that?” 

“No, nothing, it’s fine. I liked it.” 

“Then eat, I don’t want you to get cold.” 

“Okay.” 

Another silent. The atmosphere went heavy as neither both of them talked about something, and James was over the edge to kept bad emotion like this. So, he opened his mouth to said something he hope it could settle down everything. “Look, Hammond, let’s just drop it, okay?” 

“Pardon?” 

He sighed but smiled, “What was happened in the past is just the past. I heard you saying sorry earlier. I don’t want to make you guilty for what _I_ did. It’s _my_ fault, _my_ mistake, not yours.” 

“But James, I’ve hurt you.” 

“No you don’t, you just did what ordinary people would do. And I must thanked you for accepting me as your friend again. See? You’re totally innocent.” 

“James, why are you always this kind to me?” 

No answer, James gulped then tear off his gaze as he bit his lips for a moment, but then he raised his head to saying, “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” 

Richard blinked once at him, then twice. The expression he had changed from confused to disbelieve then angry, “James, you didn’t –“

“Hammond,” He silent him, “Just drop this conversation, please,” a pleading face from him, “Why don’t we eat our dinner in peace and forgetting what had happen?” 

“But –“

“For us, – I mean, not us, as ‘us’. But us, the two of us.” 

“Us.” 

“Right. If you continue to think you’ve made a mistake to me, please do what I ask for just this once and then let’s say I’ve forgive you, okay?” 

“You mean..., to redeem myself?” He got a single nod and another warm smiled, “James, I, I don’t know....” 

“Then let me help you. So say, what were –“

“That’s not what I mean.“ 

“ – you doing in your vineyard this morning?” James continued ignoring Richard’s complaint. 

They stared for a moment accidentally making glaring contest with James as the winner after Richard sighed. “One of my worker had a baby today.” 

“Oh that’s good. And then?” 

“James, are you sure –“

“Have you visit them?” 

“No, – James, really, are you –“

“That’s not good Hammond, though they just a worker, you must treat them well.” 

At this time, Richard raised his eyebrow, “You ever told me that before.” 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah, if I’m not wrong, it was when one of my worker get sick, an old lady from planting section. I’m forget about the detail, but as I remember, you told me to visit her that day.” 

“Oh, I must be forget about that.” 

And that was the beginning of this warm dinner inside James’ kitchen under the heavy rain. It seems after that conversation, Richard never brought up those topic again, instead he insisted James to told him about the battlefield. 

“Well, often people talked about war, that’s a lot of, sort of romantic ideas. The truth is no. War is not a novel, not anything romantic. Innocent people get hurt, as the way it is. Many great soldier lost their life just for something they told to do. A son, a brother, a father for their own family. But the worse is,” he stared deep inside his mate’s eyes and smiling weakly, “Though you don’t know, about when or how.... But you will sure there’s always a big chance for you to die.” 

Richard gulped, he watched James looked away broke their stared and continuing to eat. Cautiously, Richard opened up his mouth to asked something he’d already know the answer. “Have you ever lost your friends, James?” 

That question made James’ movement stopped in the middle, he went silent and stared blankly at his supper, “Many times, Hammond. Many times.” 

**

Another sighed and James stood up beside Richard’s motorike. 

He wiped a single sweat, folded his arms eyeing now-clean Hayabusa then grinning, satisfied by his own work. James had left Richard alone in his living room watching a program about three middle-age man cocking about cars in a hangar – unless today was an Africa special, to clean his mate’s motor after being showered in the heavy rain. 

The garage now become more crowded after he brought in that Hayabusa wich now standing proudly just next to his Daytona. When he saw these two motorcycles, a memories of them rode together to a random place replayed again and again. But he just perceived it with a weak smile as that thought resound in his head. _‘Everything’s not the same anymore’_. 

When James came in his living room, he found a soft sound yet bright television with Richard laying on the couch. Sleeping soundly with a remote in his hand. He must be tired after work late on his vine then riding under the heavy rain. But then James cursed as he remembered about his only bedroom. 

There’s three bedroom in James’ house, his own, his parent’s, and one for a guest. But since he was alone living on here, there must be two empty bedroom. And what it’s mean empty, it was literally empty. Well, except for a bed, a table and a chair which now covered with plastic in each rooms. 

So, the only conclusion was he must moved Richard in his own bedroom which mean he must sleep on a couch. No problem. 

Slowly, James turn off that telly and woke up his mate with a single touch on shoulder and quiet whisper. Made Richard squirmed a little and groaned annoyed. 

“Hammond, wake up, you need to move.” 

“Um, no,” he groaned again. 

“Come on mate,” no reply from Richard. James just stood at there with arms on his waist, watching this little bloke curled on his sofa ignoring him. “I know you’re that sleepy, but don’t make me force you.” 

Richard answered him with mumbled something James didn’t quiet caught. It’s just something about walked and tired he only heard. And then another silent. 

After sighing considered he must do it or not, James finally bend down and saying something to his mate, “If you really that tired, then I will help you,” no answer. “Face me Hammond.” 

At this time Richard rolled over and found James’ face closed up to his. But he still silent waiting for James’ another instruction. 

“Come on, give me your hand,” he did, and James swung it over his shoulder, “Get a grab Hammond, I’m going to lift you.” As he felt Richard’s hands grabbing around his neck, James placed each of his own under Richard’s back and legs then lifted him up without difficult. And what James was tought was right, Richard was not that heavy for him. He just..., fit. 

A yawn escaped from Richard’s mouth when he placed his brown head next to James’. Not even aware his breath had tickled the taller man’s neck. “How could you did that?” he asked half sleepy. 

“What?” 

“Lifted me without struggling.” 

“Well, lets say..., most of my friends are heavier than you.” He walked upstairs on his own bedroom, but stopped from opened his door when Richard asked him again. 

“Are you also lifted them with this position?” 

“Sometimes,” he opened it, “Why? You jealous?” no answer from Richard and James put him down on that bed. “Kidding mate, now go to sleep.” He left Richard alone by walking pass his door but he stopped in the middle to said, “I’m on the couch if you need something, goodnight mate,” then closed it. 

As he heard James’ footsteps disappeared, Richard sighed and rolled over, facing his back on that door. His mind was empty when he held tight James’ pillow, but when his eyes closed, James’ word replayed again. 

_‘Sometimes. Why? You jealous?’_

And that made Richard’s eyes opened again. He sighed for the last time before closed his eyes again into a deep slumber, mumbled something on his pre-sleeping. 

“Yes, I am.” 


End file.
